Thursday, April 24, 2008

My new business

I am on the verge of opening my own personal and business coaching business. I am taking my education in Psych and Social science, my years of work experience, my years of motherhood,marriage,divorce, single parenthood, remarriage, children, stepchildren, friends, family, life, love and roll it out. I believe in certain premises
1) we have lost sight of the basics (hence my basic training program)

2) Our priorities don't match our lifestyle (person centered planning program)

3) We focus on "one" thing we would like to fix rather than how that fits into the larger picture (band aid beginnings program)

4)Change is hard, motivation is needed, and persistence pays off.

Look for pieces and parts of my business plan and give me feedback

Friday, March 21, 2008

Weddings and the "why"

More and more recently I run into young couples who are planning to get married and I listen to the plans, receive questions as to my opinion and hear the stress in their voices of dinner choices, near the water or on a golf course? Do we invite these people or those? And it goes on and on. Do I understand Yes, absolutely. I have been there (twice). The first time I was so much like these young people I know how they are feeling. However, a little older and wiser and having been through one bad marriage I knew the second time to be focused on the "why". I still am. I try and remember everyday Why we got married, what it is we love about each other what were the expectations and promises made and what did I feel in my heart. It has kept me connected so strongly to those feelings. I still feel today like I did the day we married, still holding true to those promises and still treating my husband as we always have. I wish that this bit of info I could pass on to all young couples as we approach wedding season. Remember the Why. When you are planning remember why you have chosen to marry, be true to those feelings and the rest of the details will become just that. Details. Don't let the details cloud or overcast the big picture. Then in all the days to come, keep remembering. Keep true to the promises made, even the private ones in your heart. If you can keep a hold onto the why then in time all the other questions about the day you married (who came, what they ate, where it was held etc.. ) will be joyful memories regardless of the answers to them because it will be the symbolistic beginning to a life of love and friendship and shared memories. So again to those getting married, or even to those already married remember the Why, live in the why. I promise you it is the most fulfilling place to be.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Reconciling with the past

(I'll start by noting that for non-catholics this is Lenten season. That season for us is a time for refelection on suffering and sacrifice in preparation for Easter. The Magnificat is a source for Catholics to heighten there spiritual awareness. There is a specific publication of the Magnificat that is for this Lenten season. Today's reflection was regarding reconciling with your past. Apologizing to those who you have offended and making peace. This is based on readings from the book of Matthew. )

OK now I'll start by saying Thank God I am in my 30's. How many of us made a railway of mistakes as we struggled thru our teens and for me anyways our early 20's. One post on the railway led to the next one and before we knew it we look behind us and we have post after post of mistakes and are heading in the wrong direction. Also when we are young we fail to realize that at anytime we can stop, walk away, find the right path and build a new railway, one that puts us on "the right track" I can say for myself most of the mistakes I made in my younger years was based on a lack of self confidence. I can't honestly say I did not know who I was, a better answer would be, I did not feel confident that the person I knew I was would be widely accepted by others. So I pretended to be someone else, made choices that I thought would make me, or keep me "popular". I hurt people's feelings, I lied and I made some really poor choices. And in the spirit of this Lenten season to all the people who have been hurt, offended, felt left out or left behind I apologize. In all honesty those girls who were "less popular" in school probably had more courage and were being true to themselves. So I am sorry for those whom my actions (or those of another "popular girl") made them feel bad. I can't say I even know who you may be, being pretty caught up in the "popular group" we teased or taunted briefly then moved on. I can say we really did not even know you or who you were. I can say Why? We were afraid, we lacked the self confidence to feel good about ourselves and let you be yourself. Now I know. Ten years ago, as I approached my thirties I found my self confidence. I got off the railroad track I was on and started a new track It actually was very easy. I like the person I have become and the track I am on and I hope from having made those mistakes I can teach my kids to be more self confident and feel good about themselves so that it never crosses there mind to tease or taunt. More so, it would cross there mind to get to know someone who was different in order to learn, to broaden themselves. So I ask all of you, Are you self confident? Do you feel like a million dollars regardless of what you look like or who surrounds you? If you don't, do you know how to gain your self confidence? Try, listen to your inner self, who is screaming at you letting you know who you really are and give in, be that person. And then when you get there look at the track you are on, if it is not the right one find the right one, bulid it from scatch if you have to. Then never forget where you were and if (like I) you need to make ammends, do so one way or another. I choose to affect the next generation by teaching my children because I don't really know who I may have hurt. What will you do?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Recovering from convenience

There are many innocent words in our language that have become distorted. Convenience is one. Advertisement, marketing and media have convinced us we need convenience and have played with the word until we no longer truly see what convenience is. Foods are marketed and packaged to be convenient; but they are loaded with, fat, calories, sugar. Now we have a generation of children growing up with diabetes, obesity and medical problems like never before. So is it really convenient? Cleaning services are marketed as a convenience; but then we remove ourselves from being responsible for caring for our own things, and we teach our children that there are "other people" who clean up after you. Have we filled our lives with so many things that we can not even clean a bathroom? Especially our own? Lawn services, drive up, drive thru, pick up etc.. More and more we are overwhelmed with how convenient we can make everything. Truly though is convenient better? The use of the words make us think it will improve our lives, make something better, make something easier. But there are two points to that. One, the complete opposite of easy may be hard but there is a whole range in between and not everything that isn't marketed as convenient is "hard". OK so buying real fruit instead of fake fruit nuggets, spending time with your kids in the kitchen cutting it up, have we gone so far that we now see that as hard?? Having all members of your family have chores, keep the house clean, why has that become "inconvenient"? Since when do we think teaching our children that we find the easiest route is the best lesson? Have we hampered there coping skills for when they are 13 and"the world is ending and they will never have friends again"? Not to mention have we made them overweight in the process increasing there difficulties as they grow up? I am not an advocate of making life hard but I do think there is a middle ground. This leads me to my second point. The new convenience also means temporary. The things we do for convenience are only that in the short term. The cheap foods, lead to long term obesity and fail to teach children about proper health. The convenient services make us reliant on others to perform our own tasks of daily living and teach our children that others are needed to maintain a normal life. I worked for years with people with disabilities and we teach them to care for themselves: how to take care for their bodies, their environment and be responsible citizens and not once have I thought how inconvenient it is for them to learn all that. My children have chores and hopefully are learning to care for there own environment and also learn teamwork. Our diet is healthy and I teach them to look at labels and understand what they eat and how that translates to how they feel so as they grow up they can make informed decisions (good or bad). We do as much as we can as a team and hopefully in the process are developing a lifelong relationship of trust, honesty and cooperation. Let's make a pact to use convenience when we truly need it. To remember the true meaning of the word and use it at the right times and in the right proportion. To rely on things that are convenient only when we need to and maybe learn to tell the difference by asking this question. is this a short term convenience, not a replacement for a long term better choice? And for the times you rely on the almighty Happy meal (and we all do) God bless you. Motherhood, family, life, work we all need convenience from time to time, I think we just need to recover from the overabundance of it.

Monday, January 21, 2008

A Husband's 5 Ingredient recipe to help with hormones

1)Quiet; If nobody talks to me and there is no loud noise then I can not blame you for making me cry, nor will I yell at you for causing me stress due to the noise or what you have said that is obviously offensive and yes it was all your fault

2)Wine; OK first it needs to be quiet then a glass of wine, or Hot Tea.

3)Chocolate Mousse, not that I had to make for myself, something you brought home for me and you are dishing up while I have my glass of wine in quiet

4) A card, compliment, or poem telling me how I am just as beautiful while cleaning up after everyone's mess and and how you could not make it without me.

5) A jetted tub bath that I am relaxing in while you put all the kids to bed (candles lit and music playing so I can not hear the chaos).

Remeber Husband's and those who claim to suffer on the other end, to get the full effect you must remember all ingedients!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Time: not enough or or wanting too much of it

So with the poll it seems like for the majority of us we feel like there is not enough time to do all the things we want to do. I'd like more time to help one daughter with Homework, another one exercise, time with my oldest before he is all grown and enough time with my youngest son so as not to miss all the new things he is discovering. I also want my own life, time with my husband and family time, a clean house, a picked up yard and home cooked nutritious meals. Even as I type this I am laughing. Ok so I could hire someone to do the last three but then my guess is that money would become an issue regarding family life. Then I think with all the advances in technology why have our lives become more cumbersome and appear to have less time. I remember helping my mom go thru my grandparents belongings and they had memorabilia from their parents as well and in it (besides a money log where some was set aside for sock mending!) was a calendar/diary of events. Listed were playing cards with friends and dinners with gran gran and vacations with kids. Do we have that? Do you regularly get together with friends? How often is your date night? What dates do you mark off for vacation? But I bet you have computer, Ipod, iphone, Wii, Flat screen, video games, ear phones etc... Has any of this technology improved our efficiency or given us more valuable time with family if so, instead of taking that time to improve family life do we cram something else in? Or do we focus too much on wanting to do everything and forgetting that we are human and that it is OK to not have time for everything everyday (and not have the guilt that sometimes goes with it) Here are some simple things we have changed over the last 4 years to improve our family time, and I would love to hear any suggestions you have
1. We don't answer the phone during traditional dinner hours
2. we talk about our favorite parts of the day every day while we are all together
3. We eat a big Saturday breakfast together
4. We go to Church together
And yours?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The incredible world of baby accessories!

Have any of you noticed the incredible explosion of baby accessories and how over time they go from extras to necessities? Even in the short Span of seven years (My children) the choices options,technology accessories for babies has gone completely mad. Not to mention that almost anything is disposable. Ok there are some advances I am grateful for disposable diapers for one, but what I feel uncomfortable about is the overwhelming amount of baby items that have come to invade our homes. We have boosters, exersaucers, walkers, jumpers, pack-n-plays, baby carriers, mobiles, playmats, play tunnels, toys that bing, bong, light up and wiggle, ones that react to touch, noise or motion and the list goes on. Are you laughing? Ok well if you have a child under 2 how many of these things have you owned? If you have older children are you envious or thinking the world's gone mad? And let's talk about how this relates to babies. I have noticed with every addition of a bell, ball and jingle we have decreased our ability to let our babies explore on their own and yes even fuss now and again as they figure it out. We have become dependent on all these contraptions to entertain rather than teaching them to self entertain with feet, hands, rolling over and finding a toy. Why would they, they are hung over them around them and sometimes underneath them, they play music and make soothing sounds. SO when the baby fusses do we look for a different contraption? Are we over stimulating these babies. Is this what leads to the kids that are in seven different activities by the time there 3? I have 4 of my own and I have fallen victim with the 4th and the overtaking of my house with these almost always monstrous baby items. I think for me what I have learned it is Ok for a baby to fuss now and again, it is ok as technology advances to buy new gadgets but then get rid of the old, it is ok for a baby just to explore on the floor (3 other kids are entertainment enough) and Less really is sometimes more.